You Could Change The World...

But it's also OK if you just want to live in it!

Hi All,

The following piece was inspired by one of my favourite people on Substack

Sophie Ingleby

when she published a great post called “Do you have a purpose in life?”. As I was reading about how Sophie has always felt under pressure to do something that is of service to others; something immense, something that could help change the world for the better… and questioning whether it is ok to “just” do what you like and maybe help a few people along the way? Is it enough? I found myself relating to this in a BIG way and prompted me to write this response in the comments…

“I think you've found a fantastic and beautiful purpose to your life and NO, you don't have to change the world in a big way... you are enough just as you are! 🥰 I find it fascinating that so many of us feel like we have to do something with our lives that will do good/impact the world in a big way. Why is that?

I struggled for many, many years with this feeling of being inadequate the way I was. Like I wasn't enough and what I was doing or how I was living wasn't good enough. "You could do so much more" I would hear from my (well meaning) parents.. "You can change the world!" my dad would say... So, of-course anything less made me feel like a failure! 😕

I think we can all agree that it is important to be kind in this world... and if you WANT to do something that can help others, then that's lovely... but we need to remember that we are still worthy if we want to live our lives for ourselves and not necessarily in a way that is of "service" to others. 👍

Having said that, I believe everybody serves a purpose in this world, by simply being here... supporting friends and family, bringing up children... sharing their own joy (and sadness), their knowledge and their passion, their weaknesses and their honesty. We ALL learn, adapt and grow in our closest surroundings... EVERYBODY has a part in shaping this world... and that starts at home.”❤️

Photo by CURVD® on Unsplash

Isn’t it funny that by our parent’s (or other adults) saying these seemingly ‘lovely’ things to us, it has riddled us with guilt if we achieve anything less than the best. How can a well-meaning compliments or words of encouragement affect us so negatively and so deeply? I know it’s not just me, I have spoken to many people (mostly women, I will admit) who feel the same. That the pressure placed on us as kids was immense!

For me personally, having a teacher for a mum, I would always feel like everything I did was never good enough. Every moment was an opportunity to teach, to build my skills further, to move me along to the next stage. Even as a young child I remember showing her a drawing and she would say things like “Oh, that’s lovely! But what do you think you could add to it to make it better?” Or I’d do a long piece of writing I was proud of, only to be told “You missed a full stop here… there is a spelling mistake there.” I was crushed! That feeling of disappointment was heart breaking. I had failed yet again, even though (I now know) what I was achieving was good enough.

I also had a dad who would tell me I was “going to change the world one day!” Meant as a compliment I’m sure, but this was from a man who was hardly ever around because he was busy out there trying to “change the world” himself. He was a largely absent dad, who focused on his work, going to evening meditation classes and spreading words of love and kindness. Which of-course branded him a “great guy” and his absence was immediately dismissed and ignored, because; “it’s not like he’s down the pub every night or anything”. Ironically, I think it was Budha himself who said:

“If you really want to change the world,

Go home and be with your family” – Budha

So on that note, I’m going to go and be with mine, as it’s now 7pm (at the time of writing) and I have children who need their mum. A mum who will always try to resist putting any pressure on them and accept them just as they are. A mum who will support and nurture their natural curiosity and allow them to be free to explore what sparks joy in them. Who will not point out every little mistake, or shortcoming and instead focus on their efforts and small wins. And most importantly… I will let them know that their life is theirs to live and they do NOT have to live up to anyone else’s expectations, or have a specific purpose, they can just live it!

Until next time ❤️