Personal Space Invaders
And other things that get right on my tits! A good old light-hearted rant about trivial shit that drives me crazy!
I know, I know… there’s far more important serious shit going on in the world, BUT sometimes one just needs a good old rant to get some trivial stuff off one’s chest and out into the air for all to hear, possibly relate to and perhaps make someone laugh on another dreary British winter day!
As I started to compile a list of possible rants to share, it turns out there were quite a few more than I realised… Sixteen in fact! Yikes, don’t worry I’m certainly not going to bore you with all of them, but it got me thinking… I wonder what gets on other people’s tits? Am I alone in this blood curdling place, wound tighter than a nun’s noonie over the most ridiculous and completely unimportant shite!? Surely not… Let me know in the comments below and use this space to have a good old rant of your own… Nothing is off limits, but people please be respectful and keep it trivial, and anyone who thinks this space might offend them, just scroll on by.
So, I guess I’ll start with the one in the title… but others on the way will include, but not limited to… Wrongly loaded dishwashers, Inside out washing, Sticky worktops, Crusty door handles, Cleaners who can’t clean - Why?!!, Car light thank you’s, slow walkers, quiet talkers and cyclists!
Personal Space Invaders
What is it with people who cannot respect one’s personal space! I always believed that it was an unwritten rule that there is a certain amount of space surrounding one’s personage that you respectfully steer clear of, unless invited into. And if you weren’t taught it as a child, you soon learnt about it in Dirty Dancing…
“Look spaghetti arms. This is my dance space, this is your dance space. I don’t go into yours, you don’t go into mine” - Baby, Dirty Dancing, Film, 1987
I can’t be the only one who has nearly wanted to quote this to someone not respecting my space… Either that or shout “Back the fuck off buddy” whilst resisting the urge to punch them in the face! I am pleased to report, I have refrained from doing this to date, phew! Also, why is it that these “space invaders” nearly always have bad breath or that nasty bit of white gunk collecting in the corners of their mouth? Eeeeeeew! Is it because they are so close that these otherwise unnoticed things become a harsh reality, or is it that these people have a lack of self-awareness in general? It’s just not good enough people, sort it out!!
Cyclists
Now this one might seem like quite a personal attack on a certain group of people and I want to assure you that.. it is! 🤣 I’m afraid I’ve always had a general annoyance towards cyclists, through no fault of their own really. It just kind of goes with the territory - I mean, the lycra for a start - that’s just asking for trouble in my book. Then there’s the cycling in pairs thing, or worse, a whole group taking up the entire road! Yes, it is very admirable that you are being fit and healthy and not polluting the environment, etc.. but PLEASE… Move over!! If you would like an entire car-sized space on the road, drive a fucking car!!
Car Light Thank You’s
As we’re hovering around the subject of cars… why oh why on earth do we say thank you with our car lights at night! Whilst I do appreciate the sentiment, who the hell decided that the perfect way to thank the lovely driver opposite you for letting you go, or other such kind act… was by temporarily blinding the poor fucker and rendering the next minute or so of their driving totally sketchy and dangerous!! Seriously not the kindest show of appreciation… but then I guess they can’t really see you doing the conventional ‘hand up’ thank you in the pitch black, so what is the alternative? Also, whilst we’re talking head lights… what is with the new LED lights that look like they’re on full beam all the time?! I’ve actually flashed some poor bastards mistaking them for leaving their 'full beams’ on, when in fact it was just their brand new LED supersonic beam-me into-space-headlights! So unnecessary and quite dangerous actually… who do I write to about this.. hmmm…
Wrongly Loaded Dishwashers
I cannot be the only person who thinks there is a correct WAY to load a dishwasher. I’m not talking about the obvious cutlery in cutlery area, cups-up-top kind of way – If you can’t even master the basics… back to school you go! I’m talking about the finer details of the art that is dishwasher loading. Who starts at the front?!! What must you be on if you decide that filling up the front first with crusty mould-producing vile plates and bowls is a good idea?! Resulting in the next poor unsuspecting sod who comes to load in their not-so-vile-yet crockery, being greeted with, and having to manoeuvre around, said festering monstrosities… trying not to brush up against very suspicious looking two-day-old cheese sauce, that’s starting to emit an odour similar to that of a mouldy old wheelie bin! Why must we innocent can-load-a-dishwasher-correctly people be subjected to this stomach-churning experience? Load from the back, people… Load from the back!!
Crumbs on floor within nano seconds of Hoovering
HOW on Earth do crumbs end up on the floor so God damn quickly, immediately after hoovering?! This is something that irritates me beyond belief… now, don’t get me wrong, I am by far a clean freak and am pretty sure I don’t have OCD (absolutely no offence to anyone who does – it must be awful)… but am I crazy for wanting the floor that I JUST broke my back hoovering and mopping to within an inch of its life, to stay crumb free for at least a few hours?! I mean seriously, what are my (extremely lovable, but irritating) fellow residents of our house doing to create so much mess within nano seconds of putting the hoover away, going for a piss and scratching my arse?! I was gone for two minutes! I swear they must be hiding behind doors waiting to jump out and ransack the place the minute my back is turned… How much mess can one teenager produce whilst making a sandwich… Don’t even get me STARTED on cupboard doors and left open fridges!!
Water thieving cat - arse in face! (Cat’s arse, my face)
Now, this is more of an issue that’s personal to me I think, but I thought I would share it anyway because it’s kind of funny and cute I guess… and I’m curious to find out if anyone else with a cat has this same problem? We have a super adorable, docile and friendly cat called Monty. He’s a Ragdoll, and as many of you may know, Ragdolls are not bred for their brains! He is absolutely gorgeous with bright blue eyes, but I wouldn’t trust him with anything more complicated than jumping a fence. Having said that, every few weeks or so, he seems to think he’s a dog and suddenly wants to play fetch, which is quite remarkable and still takes me by surprise every time. Anyway, the issue I have is that he absolutely will NOT, under any circumstances, drink water from his own bowl. Believe me, I have tried everything! This leads to him continuously searching for water, that he has decided, is from a more trusted source – MY glass! Oh, and the storage box lid outside, that collects rainwater. 🤔
Although this is quite irritating and often results in his fluffy little arse in my face, it’s also rather cute and might be one of those strange little things you end up missing when they’re not there anymore. So, for now, ignoring the fact that it might be slightly unhygienic, we are sharing my water whilst I suppress my irritation into the depths of my soul… and rant about it here instead 😆
Monty - and his fluffy arse!
Thank you for reading my little, actually-rather-large-in-the-end, rant. If you enjoyed it, please let me know in the comments below and feel free to share any of your own rants too! I have (and always will have) many more things to moan about, so I am thinking of making it a monthly feature – aptly named – “The Monthly RantPage” What do you think?
