Ooops, I Did it Again - Part Two
About f*cking time! I know... sorry! 🙈
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Hey Readers!
I know, I know… It’s been a ridiculously long time since ‘Part One’ of what I thought would be a two-part post sent out in quick succession of each other. However, true to form, the pressure got to me and I immediately began to rebel… against my own self-imposed deadline! 🤦🏽♀️😳
I started the year with such enthusiasm and energy (as I often do, when there’s an opportunity for a fresh start) and hit the ground running with all kinds of ideas, lists, plans, schedules, etc. Then, I got distracted…
Back to “Nurturwhelm”
Yet again I found myself diving full throttle into ALL the amazing resources, podcasts, workshops and articles on self-development and mental wellbeing. Now, although I’m about to tell you about the great success I’ve had in pin-pointing a few of my issues… please do NOT be fooled into thinking this has been a good way to go about it overall!
I have been very stressed during this relentless process of constant pressure I’ve put myself through… Often feeling hugely overwhelmed, exhausted and nearly at the point of burnout! I’m only here telling you about the bits I found to be useful in gaining understanding and insight into why I act and feel the way that I do, in the hope that you might find it interesting and/or useful in some way.
The Inspiration
I came across one of ’s fabulous Podcast episodes - this one was with - “A business coach who helps solopreneurs move out of shame, claim their value and grow profitably without compromising their values.”
Key Points
Slow and Steady
What is my ACTUAL capacity?
Thrive, not just survive
Is it sustainable?
Be the tortoise, not the hare
What you resist will persist!
I got SO much from this one Podcast, honestly I can’t tell you what a difference it’s made! Thank you Anna & Marisa 🙏 It’s funny how one conversation can really spark something… even if you’re no stranger to these ideas and have identified a few of them before.
Sometimes it takes someone (or the way something is said) to re-ignite those sparks and propel you back into good internal work. That inner critic is a powerful bastard and he’s really good at putting out those sparks, which is why writing it all down has done me the world of good - Now to remember to refer back to it often.
Survivor’s Guilt
Did anyone else know this was a thing?! When Marisa mentioned it in the podcast it hit me hard, as I recognised that (particularly over the last few years) this has been one of my “success blockers” – But I didn’t know how to fully articulate it and I certainly wasn’t aware that there was a name for it!
Listening to Marisa explain it in such a clear way really helped me to feel understood and accepted for feeling this way – I’m not the only one… it is actually a thing! I actually wrote about it a over a year ago, before I knew what it was called. You can read that article HERE if you wish.
For those (like me) who didn’t know what it was…
Survivor’s guilt is the feeling that you don’t deserve to be happy/successful, because other’s that have been through similar situations – cancer, near death, trauma, etc - don’t or won’t get to be happy/successful (for whatever reason). The feeling and inner voice that says – “How dare I be happy/successful when they have to endure xyz.”
Personally for me, I have rather a lot of this type of guilt. Due to surviving cancer, but also because members of my family have had a really difficult time of it over the years, with various financial/physical and mental health struggles. Have you experience any of this type of guilt? I’d love to hear in the comments if you feel called to share. ❤️
Finding my ACTUAL Capacity
Marisa talks about the 7 types of rest, which if you didn’t know are:
Physical
Emotional
Social
Mental
Spiritual
Sensory
Creative
It’s about considering ALL of the ways that we need to rest our physical bodies AND our minds from all of the activity we spend on everything life throws at us. For example, I now KNOW that I need time alone after a big social event… not just to rest physically, but to also give my mind the calm and rest it needs too. So, on Marisa’s instruction, I wrote down all the ways in which my time, energy and money is spent.
Time & Energy
Kids, Life Admin, Own needs, Mark, Family, Friends, New Connections, Building a Business, Hobbies, Housework, Rest/Healing, Personal Care, Pain Management, School Admin, Building a Network, Nurturing Relationships.
Money
Rent & Bills, Running Costs, Spending Money, Kid’s Clubs & Activities, Clothes & Equipment, Travel & Petrol, Holidays, Loan, Presents, Subscriptions, Hobbies, Food, Eco Products, Extras… Books… Stationary!! 🙈
Time to Allocate
Reading, Sharing & Connecting
Time with Mark/Kids
Writing – Books, Articles, Newsletter, etc…
Designing Graphics
Marketing/PR
Learning/Researching
Paid Work – Editing/Services
Creativity/Hobbies
New Connections
Time with Family/Friends
Rest, Healing & Nurturing
Admin, Home/School Management
Social Time/Time Alone
Personal Care/Maintenance
Delegating my Time
Hours awake in the week: 12x7 = 84
Work/Writing/Learning/PR/Designing
Monday: 11am–4pm & 8pm-10pm (7hrs)
Tuesday: 9am-2pm (6hrs)
Wednesday: 11am-4pm & 8pm-10pm (7hrs)
Thursday: 9am-6pm (9hrs)
Friday: 11am-6pm (7hrs)
Total: 36 Hours
Kids/Family/Social Time/Hobbies
Saturday: Mark/Friends/Hobbies/Reading (No laptop - iPad ok) (12hrs)
Sunday: TECH FREE ZONE!!! Until Monday AM!!! (12hrs) - This only lasted one weekend by the way! 🙄🤣
Total: 24 Hours
Remaining 24 Hours
Personal Care/Maintenance
Time Alone/Calm/Restore
Rest, Healing & Nurturing
Admin, Home/School Management
Social Time/Chill Time
Health/Wellbeing Management
How Did This Help Me
I found it super helpful to get this all out of my brain and onto the page, not least because it showed me that my optimistic goal of working 36 hours a week is TOTALLY unrealistic and now I can see CLEARLY why that is. I wasn’t allocating sufficient time for all the other life stuff and certainly not enough time to care for my health in the way that I really need to. Hello burnout!
It helped me to show more compassion for myself and all the things I am trying to juggle/manage, along side a chronic health condition. It was so interesting to note all the different ways my time, energy and money were being depleted and helped me to really hone in on the types of rest/energy management I needed in my life. I also spent some time getting re-attuned to my core values and ensuring that these were being incorporated into my daily living.
My Core Values
Acceptance
Kindness
Compassion
Connection
Balance
Other Values
Consistency, Trust, Sustainability, Accessibility, Transparency, Empathy, Patience, Honesty, Boundaries, Openness, Clarity, Understanding, Safety, Intuition, Willingness, Wellbeing, Energy, Positivity, Effort, Adventure, Regulation, Inclusion, Morality, Fairness, Equality.
Note: The ones in BOLD are the most important to me personally.
Have you checked in with your values lately? I’d love to hear - I find it so interesting how just honing in on our core values goes such a long way to maintaining a lifestyle that we can feel fully connected to.
Nurturing Your Nervous System
Another fabulous tip from the wonderful
, was to help nurture our nervous systems by listing all the things that drain you and restore you. I gave this a go and it was a real eye-opener and helped me realise just how many things were draining me day-to-day. This triggered a nice healthy bout of self-compassion, which is always a good thing.I’m sharing my lists here because I want this (paid subscriber) space to be open, vulnerable and honest… in the hope that it may help others to not only gain some insight into useful techniques and resources, but also to inspire people to show themselves more empathy and self-compassion too. Also, you might find it “juicy” to climb into the depths of my mind for a moment. 😜
What Drains Me
Standing for long periods
Sitting in hard chairs
Sitting upright
Talking to my parents 🥴
Housework/Cleaning
The kids (emotionally draining… and effort of talking through pain)
Showering, dressing, personal care
Listening to boring people 🤣
Mindless Hyperactive/Hectic TV programmes
Too much news (or the wrong kind – i.e. Hyped up)
School admin – Seriously… I swear this equates to a part-time job! 🙄
Disagreements with Ex-husband/father of offspring
Sorting/ordering/collecting meds
Managing child one’s “particular” needs 😒
Thinking of/looking after everyone
Mark’s low mood/lack of energy (occasionally)
Dealing with parent’s… “issues/stress”
Travelling on trains/tubes, etc… Stairs! Fucking stairs!! 😫
Cooking… sorting/shopping for food
Reading too many Substack publications!! There’s just so much good stuff!! 🙈
Child 2’s clubs, homework, etc…
Keeping the house tidy/clear of clutter
What would be on your list? Honestly, I highly recommend making one… but NOT if you don’t have the capacity right now or if it’s going to drain you!
What Restores Me
Candles, Rest, Calm, Yoga Nidra
Getting out – socialising – good conversations
Having people around to the house
Meeting new inspiring, energetic people
Time alone! (I need time to process/reset)
Bath… SLOW self-maintenance
Reading… Writing! 🥰
Feeling on top of things
Time to eat slowly and without interruptions (from the
bastardkids!)A GOOD sleep (relaxed jaw – I tend to clench my teeth when I’m stressed or anxious) has a fantastic selection of massages/exercises that help me with this 👍
Journaling… making notes/lists
Getting outside… being in nature 🍃
Chats/Hugs with the kids
Having a good catch up with a friend
Getting a pedicure (reaching my own toes has sadly become almost impossible 🙄)
Keeping up with my eco goals – Watch the latest HERE
Chatting to my amazing sister ❤️
Cuddling the cat – Soooooo fluffy!! 😍
Time to organise/back up photos
Going out for a drink/meal with Mark
Watching TV and taking the piss out of people with Mark 😆
Chatting/Laughing with Mark
Creativity - Sketches & Graphic Design in particular
Now I know - these are all the lovely things I need to make time for, which will restore my energy and nurture my nervous system. I’m still working on making this a priority, as most people are… but I’m getting there. 🐌
Something Amazing Happened
Observations - 3rd February 2025
“Something has happened today… I feel content, happy, inspired, secure, safe, confident, excited, motivated… and I think it’s a combination of the following…”
1. This beautiful quote from about dancing, from THIS PIECE
“We might not be able to change the world simply by kicking up our heels the way they do in the movies; but if we give ourselves the chance to dance, we might just find the lost pieces of ourselves, our joy, and our courage. And from there anything is possible.”
2. ’s wonderful Teas & Tales: Sunday 2nd Feb – We took part in a beautiful visualisation about arriving at a clearing with a tree… I imagined a tree with a carved out ‘seat’ within it, where I sat feeling safe from all the chaos that was happening beyond the huge willow branches surrounding me.
The tree said, “I will protect you” – I was at one with the tree… I WAS the tree! I realised that I DO have the power to protect myself… I hold all the tools within me to keep myself safe and I know what to do and how to do it. “The Tree” will keep me safe whilst I open up and become vulnerable… whilst I get on (finally) and do the things I need to do! Quite a revelation! 🥰
3. Sharing my poem with the Teas & Tales group – “The In-Between Times” which brought me warm feelings of appreciation, love and kindness from the group. This was so uplifting and listening to everyone else’s words was inspiring too. Also, there was something special about being part of a little community all there together from around the world!
4. and her wonderful journaling advice – 3 words, then 1 word – My word was “Frustration” – I wrote for 2-3 minutes about why I was feeling frustrated and it was FANTASTIC to get it out on paper – It was therapeutic, clarifying, healing and nurturing. A release of emotion, of anger, of sadness. I met myself where I was and it felt great!
5. Jo Hutton’s FABULOUS Yoga sessions – Short exercises, stretches, etc… Long bubble bath (with a Flake!😋) 🫧🛀🏼 Rest and relaxation afterwards. Then out for dinner with Mark – Steak, a glass of red, cosy restaurant, planning our trip to Thailand – Early Valentine’s night… Absolutely lush! Feeling re-connected after a few weeks of feeling distant, sad, etc…
6. Getting clear on my direction this year, my intensions and REALISTIC time frames. Planning my Podcast release, a topic for each series, number of episodes per series and how often they will be released. Deciding on the structure of my monthly Newsletter and a clear schedule for my other content throughout the month. I have also got clear on the “bare minimum” that I can promise my subscribers, should I become ill and therefore unable to provide every offering that month.
7. Finding my capacity – Inspired by Burnout Rebellion Podcast with Maria Guthrie… i.e. All of the above!
8. My lovely chat with - either side of our recorded podcast episode – We were discussing the pressure that we put on ourselves to “deliver” here on Substack and (as one of my oldest - time not age 😆 - subscribers) Lauren helped me to see that I am present enough on Substack… that it is enough… that I am enough! ❤️
The In-Between Times
Lastly - An Unsent Letter
In Part One of “Ooops, I did it again” I promised you a “deeply personal unsent letter” - So I SHALL deliver! 🫡 😄 Even if it is a couple of months late! 😳
This (highly embarrassing) letter was inspired by a simple prompt from the lovely
, when she decided to email her subscribers a letter prompt every day throughout February.Dear Hero
Dear Hero,
Who are you? Who inspires me, who do I look up to? This question has always seemed to stump me somewhat, but why? It’s time to be honest about where my head instinctively goes when I am asked this question, I need to be brave now and answer it honestly. It’s time.
As I consider my truthful answer, it starts to become abundantly clear why I’ve had so much trouble answering this simple question. My answer is embarrassing, cringey, mortifying even. The audacity… how could I possibly admit this fact out loud? I find myself wincing even now as I write this. Can I even admit it on paper? My hands have started to shake, I feel hot, my heart is racing, there is a lump in my throat. Why is this simple fact making me feel so dreadful… frightened even!
You see, the thing is, if I am really honest… oh god… here goes… it’s… me! Yikes! It turns out that my instinctive, apparently self-absorbed, mortifyingly embarrassing answer is in fact that my hero… is… me. Is that really as awful as it seems? It is isn’t it? Oh, Christ… shoot me now! What an absolutely horrific truth. Who the fuck do I think I am?! I must be mistaken, it can’t be… Or can it?
Could it be that beneath all the years of self-doubt, sabotage and criticism is a knowing of love, respect, kindness and gratitude of myself? Could it be that through all the chaos, challenges, heartache and destruction, it was this love… this kindness… this knowing… that I AM a good person and deserve happiness, that brought me through it all. Do I now admire and look up to myself as my hero because of all that I have overcome? Was it ME all along that inspired me to be brave and start the journey to becoming my true self? I think it might just be.
Thank you for reading, your support really does mean so much to me. ❤️
Until next time,
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Gosh ... There is so much here Eva ! Absolutely worth the wait!
I love your values and definitely so worthwhile checking in with these often ... Right now mine are peace, creativity, curiosity and kindness 🙏 thank you for this jam packed post 💕